what experience do you have?

I recently applied for my Master's degree and along with the application, you have to submit an essay on why you chose the social work field. When I first studied to become a social worker, I told myself and others that I wanted to be the social worker I needed as a child. I wanted to be the caseworker that listened to a child and believed them. And a part of me still agrees with that. But there's another part of me that thinks maybe I chose social work as a platform for advocacy. And I say that because the more I work with children and families, the less I want to be the "state" or "caseworker" and the more I want to be their support and voice. Looking back at me, the 11 year old girl who just reported her own parent to the school nurse... I want to give children and families just like her a chance to tell their story - whatever that looks like. 

Working within the child welfare system is complicated. And when meeting someone new everyone wants to know two things. 1. your name. 2. what experience you have.  For the past 3 years, I have felt intimidated by that second question. I have shied away from giving my point of view, my thoughts, and my consideration because what experience do I have? I'm not a foster parent and I don't have the capacity to become a foster parent at this time. I didn't have my children removed from me. I was just a child.

What I realized was, although I am...

• 27 years old
• educated and licensed
• experienced in both the state and nonprofit side of child welfare

...I still didn't recognize my experience as a child was enough. I wanted to work with children and families and advocate for them - however, I couldn't advocate for myself. I never allowed myself to have a voice. I didn't place value in my own story.

When I was in high school, I gave a speech about not letting the things we experience hold us back from becoming who we deserve to be. I was so quick to share with other teens that even though there are tough truths about their lives, they are still worthy of and capable of a better future and that their value is not based on their childhood experiences. Here I am, 10 years later, finding myself rereading that same speech to motivate myself. To remind myself. 

The experiences that I've had as a child have allowed me to advocate for

• the importance of prevention work and strengthening birth families
• the importance of youth (especially teens) having at least ONE stable adult in their life
• teens and young adults experiencing some of the same things I did
• the importance of supporting kinship caregivers
• recruitment of teen foster parents 
• the importance of college support through DCFS and organizations for youth transitioning out of foster care
• more life skills and preparation for our teens BEFORE they turn 18

My value is not based on my childhood experiences, however, I am learning that my childhood experiences make me a valuable social worker. 

October is Foster Youth Voice Month. Youth impacted by foster care, who have experienced childhood trauma, who might not see the value of their experiences right now...need to see and hear stories of other teens and young adults who have been through similar situations. Youth need community. Youth need communities that SEE them, HEAR them, and meet them where they ARE. So, what I want to know is...what experience do you have?

i once was lost,

I once had a home situation where as a child, I played the role of an adult.
I once had a group of friends that thrived off of pointing out my flaws.
I once had a therapist that told me my problems were too much for him and that if I didn't hurry up and find some friends - I wouldn't make it through high school.
I once relied so heavily on relationships and how people thought of me, I changed who I was to fit their idea of perfection. 
I found myself questioning everything in my life.
I once was lost,

There are moments in our lives where confusion consumes our entire being. "Why is this happening?" "Why do I feel this way?" "Why me?" The questioning is constant. I once had a mind full of confusion. I didn't know who I was. I didn't know my purpose. I didn't know about the unconditional love and support that was waiting for me. I didn't know about Jesus.

Romans 8:18 - For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

I now have so many people playing the parent role in my life, at 19 I feel like a child. (AND IT'S SO MUCH FUN)
I have friends that love me for me.
I graduated high school and am headed into my second year of college.
I have let go of the things that have happened to me and refuse to let a single person in this world define how I feel about myself.
...but now I'm found.

FFA Retiring Address

Pick me.  Choose me.  Love me.  These are the timeless words of the greatest love story ever told.  No, not Romeo & Juliet.  Not Anthony and Cleopatra.  Not even Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez. I’m talking Meredith Grey and Derek Shephard, the two brilliant surgeons of Grey’s Anatomy fame.  Their love was star-crossed from the start, but every Thursday millions tuned in for cutting-edge medicine and the latest updates in the stories of dark and twisty Meredith and haunted and beautiful  McDreamy.  Their lives aren’t perfect, but they sure are fascinating – and no matter what bad things happen to them (or, let’s be honest, because of them) I can’t help but want them to be okay – for everything to work out for them in the end.

Now, rumor has it that Grey’s Anatomy is a fictional story about fictional people, but I still have it permanently on my Netflix queue.  I’m a couple weeks behind on it with all of the State Convention prep – so don’t ruin anything for me – but I still want to believe that everything will work out okay in the end.  On Grey’s Anatomy, the doctors in that hospital have overcome a plane crash, a ferry boat crash, almost drowning, being electrocuted, having a leg amputated, a crazy gunman, and something called Code Black.  That doesn’t even get into the emotional trauma of it all – they’ve lost friends, failed at relationships, had major parent and family issues, failed major exams and almost lost their jobs – and they’ve survived all of these things.   On Grey’s Anatomy, not every moment is happy – in 
fact it’s probably a little disproportionately unhappy compared to real life – but the show doesn’t hide the tough parts of life at Grey-Sloan Memorial hospital.  You know why?  With the tough stuff hidden, you have no idea about the depth or the truth of the story.

In entertainment, we love drama.  Bring on the scandal, the mystery, the terror, the heartbreak.  We love it because, in our much less cinematic way, we experience those moments in our daily lives.  In our daily lives, however, there is one key difference:  we have a tendency to downplay or completely hide the hard moments we experience.  It’s almost as if we believe our value as people is somehow related to how good the other stuff in our life is.  Do we have a happy family?  Do we live in a good house?  Are our grades awesome?  Do we accomplish our goals?  All of those things are good things – but none of those things are at all related to our value as people.  Our value doesn’t change, no matter what our circumstances are – and so our job isn’t to repackage our lives so they appear better, or to believe the circumstances of our lives as our destiny.  Our job is to deal with the tough stuff honestly and to never stop believing that we have a positive future.

Every part of our lives have shaped us into who we are today. Throughout my life, I’ve definitely had some moments that weren’t picture perfect. I didn’t grow up in what most people would call a traditional family – and for a long time, I really struggled with who I was because of that. Growing up, my parents were never together. I didn’t even meet my dad until I was in the 6th grade. He showed up at a school basketball game and when I realized he was going to be there, I locked myself in a girls bathroom because I knew he couldn’t go in there.  That same year, my twin brother’s autism became too much for our family to handle and he had to be moved out of our house and into a Liberty Home which is a home where people with really significant needs can get the care they need. I moved in with my grandmother because I couldn’t stay with my mother… all of this in the first year of middle school.  I’m not saying this for you to feel sorry for me – you shouldn’t at all.  The reason I share all this is because for a long time I felt ashamed about things in my life that didn’t seem “picture perfect.”  I struggled at school, at home and even with friendships because I let the unfortunate parts of my life CONSUME who I was.  When people would tell me things were going to get better, I really struggled to accept that.  I thought that they couldn’t know what they were talking about – they hadn’t been through it.  

In Grey’s they talk about how Meredith is dark and twisty.  She’s got this past with a whole lot of drama.  Her family, her decisions – they haunt her.  They influence every choice she makes and affect her relationships and her outlook on life.  It’s not easy to deal honestly with the tough things that happen in our lives, but it’s important.  Have you ever met someone who is dark and twisty? They’re someone who constantly complains or obsesses over every negative part of their life.  They magnify their presence with their focus.  They turn challenges, or losses, or tragedies into black holes.  Just like middle school me, the tough stuff consumes them.  The black hole is all we can think about. It has a gravity of its own and when something doesn’t go our way, we think ‘of course. Because we have a black hole.’  We carry it around with us and collect failures, wrongs and unlucky moments to reinforce this completely messed up idea that bad is all we are capable of. When we live in the dark, dark will consume all that we are. Things can get better if you want them to – it starts with letting go of the bad things that have happened to you or the bad things you’ve been responsible for. Let yourself move forward to a brighter future.  We are not what has happened to us, we are whoever we decide to be. And the best part about that is, it's never too late to decide.

There’s an organization I really believe in called To Write Love On Her Arms and they recently shared this quote:  “The world I believe in is one where embracing your light doesn’t mean ignoring your dark.”  To Write Love on Her Arms focuses on finding hope and recovery for people who are struggling – on reminding them that even though there are tough truths about their life that they are still worthy of – and capable of – a better future.  Our obstacles do not prevent us from achieving greatness.  The challenges we have experienced can and should motivate us to become more successful.   

Albert Einstein didn’t speak a word until he was 4 years old. Jim Carrey used to be homeless. Oprah Winfrey grew up in poverty and was a teenaged mother whose baby died. Actress Charlize Theron watched her mother kill her father in an act of self-defense. These people all had something major happen in their lives that might have made people think they didn’t have much of a future. But they weren’t limited because they’d encountered something awful.  Instead, what they went through gave them the courage to believe that they had a choice to make the most of their futures. And we have that same choice. 

As FFA members, we have an unshakable faith in the future of agriculture. We are the faces of the future - we are told we are the generation that can do it all. We advocate that the past of agriculture simply will not be the future of agriculture and that this industry is forever changing. But isn’t that the same situation with who we are? We are forever changing, therefore it is impossible for our future to be the same as our past. We get to create our own future and who we become.

Maybe you aren't from an agricultural background, but that doesn't mean you won’t have a career in agriculture. And maybe no matter how hard you tried to stay awake and be engaged in global history class you just couldn't, that doesn’t mean you won't fall in love with traveling the world. Or maybe you feel that no matter how hard you study, you will never pass your final at the end of the year - but keep working, because you can. Creating a bright future can start with something as simple as forgiving someone for something they’ve done or not shaping who we are based upon the approval of others.  The actions we take toward our future may be small ones that take great courage or boring 
things that take great discipline – but we all can be brave and have courage, no matter how different our stories might be. But the hard part often is having discipline and MAKING our lives better. We have that ability. There’s nothing about your past or present that means you can’t make your future great. 

The truth is, once we realize that embracing our light doesn’t mean ignoring our dark, we are almost invincible.  We don’t have to carry around black holes with us and can survive tough situations because we can DEAL with them instead of collecting them. We can look objectively at the situations we find ourselves in and realize that it is OUR choice to make the most out of our futures regardless of where we’ve been.  No matter who you will be, or where you end up - you should NEVER let shame sideline what you could make of your life. Your past has given you the strength and courage you have today, so why not celebrate it?

Now, there’s a reason why people love Grey’s Anatomy even when they hate it.  We know that even when something horrific happens – a plane crashes, a husband is killed in a car accident – the story still continues.  If I’ve learned anything at all it’s that there is more coming for all of us and that’s not just fiction.  The greatest love story ever told may NOT be Meredith and  Derek – but it can inspire us to live our lives differently.  Pick me, choose me, love me.  When times are dark and twisty, and when life is genuinely hard – because it sometimes will be – it’s our decision what to focus on and what to 
love.  Remember to love yourself.  You and your future are worth it.