Now, rumor has it that Grey’s Anatomy is a fictional story about fictional people, but I still have it permanently on my Netflix queue. I’m a couple weeks behind on it with all of the State Convention prep – so don’t ruin anything for me – but I still want to believe that everything will work out okay in the end. On Grey’s Anatomy, the doctors in that hospital have overcome a plane crash, a ferry boat crash, almost drowning, being electrocuted, having a leg amputated, a crazy gunman, and something called Code Black. That doesn’t even get into the emotional trauma of it all – they’ve lost friends, failed at relationships, had major parent and family issues, failed major exams and almost lost their jobs – and they’ve survived all of these things. On Grey’s Anatomy, not every moment is happy – in
fact it’s probably a little disproportionately unhappy compared to real life – but the show doesn’t hide the tough parts of life at Grey-Sloan Memorial hospital. You know why? With the tough stuff hidden, you have no idea about the depth or the truth of the story.
In entertainment, we love drama. Bring on the scandal, the mystery, the terror, the heartbreak. We love it because, in our much less cinematic way, we experience those moments in our daily lives. In our daily lives, however, there is one key difference: we have a tendency to downplay or completely hide the hard moments we experience. It’s almost as if we believe our value as people is somehow related to how good the other stuff in our life is. Do we have a happy family? Do we live in a good house? Are our grades awesome? Do we accomplish our goals? All of those things are good things – but none of those things are at all related to our value as people. Our value doesn’t change, no matter what our circumstances are – and so our job isn’t to repackage our lives so they appear better, or to believe the circumstances of our lives as our destiny. Our job is to deal with the tough stuff honestly and to never stop believing that we have a positive future.
Every part of our lives have shaped us into who we are today. Throughout my life, I’ve definitely had some moments that weren’t picture perfect. I didn’t grow up in what most people would call a traditional family – and for a long time, I really struggled with who I was because of that. Growing up, my parents were never together. I didn’t even meet my dad until I was in the 6th grade. He showed up at a school basketball game and when I realized he was going to be there, I locked myself in a girls bathroom because I knew he couldn’t go in there. That same year, my twin brother’s autism became too much for our family to handle and he had to be moved out of our house and into a Liberty Home which is a home where people with really significant needs can get the care they need. I moved in with my grandmother because I couldn’t stay with my mother… all of this in the first year of middle school. I’m not saying this for you to feel sorry for me – you shouldn’t at all. The reason I share all this is because for a long time I felt ashamed about things in my life that didn’t seem “picture perfect.” I struggled at school, at home and even with friendships because I let the unfortunate parts of my life CONSUME who I was. When people would tell me things were going to get better, I really struggled to accept that. I thought that they couldn’t know what they were talking about – they hadn’t been through it.
In Grey’s they talk about how Meredith is dark and twisty. She’s got this past with a whole lot of drama. Her family, her decisions – they haunt her. They influence every choice she makes and affect her relationships and her outlook on life. It’s not easy to deal honestly with the tough things that happen in our lives, but it’s important. Have you ever met someone who is dark and twisty? They’re someone who constantly complains or obsesses over every negative part of their life. They magnify their presence with their focus. They turn challenges, or losses, or tragedies into black holes. Just like middle school me, the tough stuff consumes them. The black hole is all we can think about. It has a gravity of its own and when something doesn’t go our way, we think ‘of course. Because we have a black hole.’ We carry it around with us and collect failures, wrongs and unlucky moments to reinforce this completely messed up idea that bad is all we are capable of. When we live in the dark, dark will consume all that we are. Things can get better if you want them to – it starts with letting go of the bad things that have happened to you or the bad things you’ve been responsible for. Let yourself move forward to a brighter future. We are not what has happened to us, we are whoever we decide to be. And the best part about that is, it's never too late to decide.
There’s an organization I really believe in called To Write Love On Her Arms and they recently shared this quote: “The world I believe in is one where embracing your light doesn’t mean ignoring your dark.” To Write Love on Her Arms focuses on finding hope and recovery for people who are struggling – on reminding them that even though there are tough truths about their life that they are still worthy of – and capable of – a better future. Our obstacles do not prevent us from achieving greatness. The challenges we have experienced can and should motivate us to become more successful.
Albert Einstein didn’t speak a word until he was 4 years old. Jim Carrey used to be homeless. Oprah Winfrey grew up in poverty and was a teenaged mother whose baby died. Actress Charlize Theron watched her mother kill her father in an act of self-defense. These people all had something major happen in their lives that might have made people think they didn’t have much of a future. But they weren’t limited because they’d encountered something awful. Instead, what they went through gave them the courage to believe that they had a choice to make the most of their futures. And we have that same choice.
As FFA members, we have an unshakable faith in the future of agriculture. We are the faces of the future - we are told we are the generation that can do it all. We advocate that the past of agriculture simply will not be the future of agriculture and that this industry is forever changing. But isn’t that the same situation with who we are? We are forever changing, therefore it is impossible for our future to be the same as our past. We get to create our own future and who we become.
Maybe you aren't from an agricultural background, but that doesn't mean you won’t have a career in agriculture. And maybe no matter how hard you tried to stay awake and be engaged in global history class you just couldn't, that doesn’t mean you won't fall in love with traveling the world. Or maybe you feel that no matter how hard you study, you will never pass your final at the end of the year - but keep working, because you can. Creating a bright future can start with something as simple as forgiving someone for something they’ve done or not shaping who we are based upon the approval of others. The actions we take toward our future may be small ones that take great courage or boring
things that take great discipline – but we all can be brave and have courage, no matter how different our stories might be. But the hard part often is having discipline and MAKING our lives better. We have that ability. There’s nothing about your past or present that means you can’t make your future great.
The truth is, once we realize that embracing our light doesn’t mean ignoring our dark, we are almost invincible. We don’t have to carry around black holes with us and can survive tough situations because we can DEAL with them instead of collecting them. We can look objectively at the situations we find ourselves in and realize that it is OUR choice to make the most out of our futures regardless of where we’ve been. No matter who you will be, or where you end up - you should NEVER let shame sideline what you could make of your life. Your past has given you the strength and courage you have today, so why not celebrate it?
Now, there’s a reason why people love Grey’s Anatomy even when they hate it. We know that even when something horrific happens – a plane crashes, a husband is killed in a car accident – the story still continues. If I’ve learned anything at all it’s that there is more coming for all of us and that’s not just fiction. The greatest love story ever told may NOT be Meredith and Derek – but it can inspire us to live our lives differently. Pick me, choose me, love me. When times are dark and twisty, and when life is genuinely hard – because it sometimes will be – it’s our decision what to focus on and what to
love. Remember to love yourself. You and your future are worth it.
