na wè

Haiti.

I've made two journeys to this country. the second time I traveled, this past July, I learned a lot more than my trip back in 2013. part of it could be that I had familiar people with me and part of it could be that I was too young to understand what I understand now. either way, it has taken me quite some time to process all of it (I'm still in awe.) and i would like to share with you some of my observations and some of the lovely human beings I met. 

cultural observations:

things are so worn down and dirty, yet so colorful and beautiful and full of life 

anyone who can afford to purchase/is lucky enough to find a siren can place it on their vehicle

people live on the streets because they are afraid of what they have/don't have to go home to

a woman with a shoe business, but doesn't have any on her own feet

the smell of burnt trash

so much dirt that you can't see clearly out the windows when going very fast

a male riding in the back of a garbage truck sleeping

little girls jump roping

a majority of drivers are male

a branch in the road means a broken down vehicle is ahead

soda bottle fences

filling old gas cans at wells for drinking water

scripture on buildings, cars, buses, etc. 

when passing by Haitians, they all looked so worn down and a simple wave or smile first changed that.

personal observations/things learned:

it is so important to love on others with no limits and no expectations 

it's so important to listen to others with the intent to understand 

showing others you care about them looks very different depending on age, sex, culture, person. and that just because it's not the same way you would show you care, doesn't mean it didn't take every ounce of energy or courage for them to show you

people put pride in parts of them that need loving the most

if you give someone the option to love, they will

silence isn't always bad or awkward

we may speak different languages but God listens and understands us when we call on Jesus 

you can fall in love with every person you meet

showing love to others is just as important as the hard physical labor 

emotional exhaustion wears you out faster than physical 

letting your guard down and allowing discomfort in is the easiest way to realize the reality of the life you're living

the truth will always reveal itself

count it all as joy

i once was lost,

I once had a home situation where as a child, I played the role of an adult.
I once had a group of friends that thrived off of pointing out my flaws.
I once had a therapist that told me my problems were too much for him and that if I didn't hurry up and find some friends - I wouldn't make it through high school.
I once relied so heavily on relationships and how people thought of me, I changed who I was to fit their idea of perfection. 
I found myself questioning everything in my life.
I once was lost,

There are moments in our lives where confusion consumes our entire being. "Why is this happening?" "Why do I feel this way?" "Why me?" The questioning is constant. I once had a mind full of confusion. I didn't know who I was. I didn't know my purpose. I didn't know about the unconditional love and support that was waiting for me. I didn't know about Jesus.

We find ourselves questioning the things in our life and being filled with stress and confusion when we're being entertained by this world. We are in a constant war with ourselves and those around us. This battle brings pain, doubt, grief and discomfort in our lives. But, once you decide to live your life following Him, these emotions and pain disappears. Following Jesus and choosing to live your life differently is more than going to church and reading your bible once a week. It takes effort, it can be hurtful and you have to be willing to give up the world. You have to put your trust in Jesus and realize that the things you stressed over, the things you tried to fix, the pain you felt can only be restored by Him. I promise there's nothing else like the peace you feel afterwards.

My biggest struggle through my walk was going all in - letting go of what I thought I needed to be in control of. It's a big step, but you can't be half in. You can't pick out your favorite bible verses and only preach those because that's not the truth. You can't expect a new life if you don't hold up your end of the relationship. You have to pray, repent, stay true to the truth and trust Jesus. He will work with us according to our words and deeds. Once you accept Jesus into your heart, your life is bound to change forever.

Romans 8:18 - For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

I now have so many people playing the parent role in my life, at 19 I feel like a child. (AND IT'S SO MUCH FUN)
I have friends that love me for me.
I graduated high school and am headed into my second year of college.
I no longer go to therapy and question why I believed so deeply what my therapists had to say.
I have let go of the things that have happened to me and refuse to let a single person in this world define how I feel about myself.
...but now I'm found.